


Safe to Fall

by cnroth



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Angst, Complicated Relationships, F/M, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-11
Updated: 2020-02-11
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:08:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22669036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cnroth/pseuds/cnroth
Summary: Kathryn has been burned many times before, but maybe this one will be different.
Relationships: Kathryn Janeway/Tom Paris
Comments: 20
Kudos: 31





	Safe to Fall

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Curator](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Curator/gifts).



> For Curator, whose J/P has gotten this ship stuck in my head.
> 
> _We’re dancing in my living room_  
>  _And up come my fists_  
>  _And I say I'm only playing, but_  
>  _The truth is this_  
>  _That I've never seen a mouth_  
>  _That I would kill to kiss_  
>  _And I'm terrified, but I can't resist_
> 
> _—Finally // beautiful stranger by Halsey_

It was your idea to push the furniture against the wall so we could dance. Your arms wrap around me as our feet shuffle on the floor. A few times you step on my toes, but the way you sway your hips is so intoxicating I can’t bring myself to care very much. 

“You’re so beautiful, Kathryn,” you murmur as you lower your mouth to mine. 

The kiss is light, brushing like a feather against my lips, but it makes my whole body tingle and I‘m afraid I might pass out. One of my feet tangles with the other, but your grip on my waist tightens to save me from falling.

I think I’m falling.

Oh, God. What am I doing?

Suddenly, all the blood returns to my brain and I snap back to my senses. “Tom.” My voice is raspy and my hands tremble a little as I push you away. My jacket. Where is my jacket?

I glance around and remember that we’re in my apartment, not your dorm. Of course we are. No matter how much I’ve had to drink, I wouldn’t dare be seen stumbling around campus on the arm of a cadet. I’m a lieutenant, for God’s sake—a lieutenant with ambitions to climb the ranks. I just got dumped by someone I let myself love on my last mission, and now apparently I’m messing around with the son of my former mentor in between postings.

“Kathryn,” you protest, lurching forward to follow me as I stumble back.

“We can’t,” I choke out, holding my hands in front of me to keep you from getting too close. “I can’t. This is...”

Inappropriate. Impulsive. Indecorous. 

Terrifying.

You cross your arms, blue eyes turning from an ocean to ice. “This is because of my father, isn’t it?”

“Yes... and no,” I admit.

A frown tightens your brow. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I don’t know.” 

You scoff and shake your head. “Of course you don’t.”

“It’s just...” I rub my forehead and sigh. “It’s complicated, Tom. It isn’t only your father, though that’s part of it. You and I are in very different stages of life right now. It’ll be bad enough if anyone finds out I brought you home tonight.”

You shrug. “So we won’t tell anyone.”

“And I just went through a spectacularly bad breakup.”

“So did I. Well, maybe not _spectacularly_ bad, but it wasn’t exactly a cakewalk.”

“Right.” I look you up and down—beautiful face, well-kept figure—and set my hands on my hips, trying to look much more confident than I feel. “I don’t want anything serious.”

You give a flirtatious smile. “Who said anything about serious?”

A laugh bursts unexpectedly from my lips, and I lift my hand to stop it. “This is ridiculous. Why do I care? I _don’t_ care.” I drop my hand and practically run back to you, combing my fingers through your caramel blonde hair and dragging your lips to mine.

You hesitate, but only for a moment. When your arms coil around my waist, I dart my tongue over your lips and you open to me immediately. The taste of beer on your breath overtakes the whiskey on mine, and suddenly I’m back at the academy doing keg stands and going home with one beautiful stranger after another. When those strangers inevitably disappeared, I’d swear to my friends that I didn’t care, but the truth is I remember every single one by the scars they left behind.

That’s why this is a mistake. 

Your tongue slides against mine, caressing the roof of my mouth and drawing a mewl from the back of my throat. It’s completely involuntary.

Just like the fluid gathering between my legs.

When you release me, all I want to do is kiss you again and never, ever stop. You rest your head against mine and we dance to the old ballad you told my computer to play. The lyrics sink into me in a way that is somehow both aching and euphoric.

“ _Used to think that lovin’ meant a painful chase, but you’re right here now and I think you’ll stay_...”

Everyone I’ve ever tried to impress has left me. I gave them everything—my boldness, my empathy, my wit, my body—and all I ever got back was pain. I’ve been casual and I’ve been serious. It doesn’t matter. One way or another, it always comes to a bitter end. 

Something about you is different, though I can’t put my finger on it. A big part of me wonders if this is all just wishful thinking, but there’s another part of me that hopes my instincts might finally be right this time. If I’m wrong, you stand a chance of cutting me more deeply than most just by virtue of who you are and how bloodied my heart already is. There’s no denying this is a rebound for us both.

Even so, I feel deep in my bones that I can trust you. At the bar tonight, you took time to get to know me before I gave any indication of where this might lead. Even after I brought you home, you didn’t push for a quick fuck.

No, you wanted to dance.

“What are you thinking about?” you ask, your velvety voice making my insides twist even tighter. The way you say it makes me believe you’re genuinely curious.

There are a million ways this could go wrong, and it’s almost enough to make me order you out the door. But despite your cool, sensual demeanor, there’s a purity in your face that makes everything inside me feel warm in a way I haven’t in a long time. Maybe this won’t go past tonight, but my gut tells me you’re safe anyway.

So I let myself fall.

“I’m thinking that we should move this to the bedroom,” I say as I drag my thumb across your slender lips.

The smile you give makes my heart skip several beats. “I was thinking the exact same thing.”


End file.
